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Feeling Unappreciated & Bitter: Is it Fair?

Busy mom

“I think every working mom probably feels the same thing which is you’re going through big chunks of time where you’re just going, ‘ This is impossible–Oh, this is impossible.’ And you just keep going and keep going and you sort of do the impossible.”

– Tiny Fey

Us moms do a lot…

I mean, A LOT.

And then we get tired…

We stay tired…

We start feeling unappreciated for everything we do…

And the crankiness can be a level of crankiness I didn’t know existed.

But we keep pushing through.

No matter how badly we want to just throw down what we have in our hands and go binge-watch our favorite TV show, we don’t (all of the time anyway).

Now, here’s a question, or two, for you…

How often do you feel bitter about how much you do?
Do you feel like you get enough appreciation for it all?

 

Parents Holding Hands

Mom’s feelings…

Was the answer yes to the first question? Do you feel bitterness about everything you have to do, while it SEEMS like everyone else is always relaxing after their long days? (KEYWORD IS SEEMS)

We have all been there! 

You understand your husband is tired after work, and you know he does a lot after work too, but you do more.

Am I on the right track so far?

By 8 am, you have made your husband’s lunch, fought to get the kids out of the bed, helped them get ready, thrown yourself together to look halfway decent for work, dealt with the animals, and then fought school traffic for 20 minutes, only to still be 15 minutes late for work.

Your boss: You get up at 4:30? How are you late to work every day?

Ummmm…When you get an answer to that question, let me know.

You know that your husband had to leave for work at 6:00, and he has been working his tail off since first thing this morning…but at least he is getting paid for it.

You just get screaming kids, and the walk of shame into your office as you are late ONCE AGAIN.

Oh yes, the thoughts can start to consume your mind, and then you’re unhappy, which makes for an unhappy family.

You don’t need that on your plate as well.

An unhappy family only makes your life harder.

Nevertheless, we, as busy moms, go down this road…sometimes frequently, and sometimes we don’t do it for a long period of time…but it happens.

So, what are you trying to say, Jesica?

I am saying, we must put a stop to these thoughts!

We must put away the bitterness, and replace it with an appreciation for what our husband does every day.

We must replace our crankiness due to our busyness with a feeling of gratefulness for the blessings God has given us.

He gave you those children, NOT BY MISTAKE, but because He knew you could handle what would be thrown at you…

You could handle the busy, chaotic life that comes with having kids…

You could handle mom life and work-life all at once…

And if you feel like you CAN’T handle it, well then, my recommendation is giving more of your time to God, and let Him handle it for a while.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

  • Labour- to move with great effort
  • Laden- carrying a load or burden
  • Rest- freedom from activity or labor

Matthew 11:28 is my go-to when I am feeling down and out due to my exhaustion, or my thoughts put in my head by the enemy.

It’s a straight-forward scripture…not hard to understand.

But, when broken down as I have done above, it makes even more sense that we should go to God when we are feeling like we are too tired to keep doing the impossible.

I am not changing the Bible here…I would NEVER do that! The Bible is unchangeable and accurate as it is in every way!

With that said, look at the scripture like this…

Come unto me, all that labour (move) and are heavy laden (carry a heavy load/burden), and I will give you rest (freedom).

Okay, so we know that Jesus spoke these words…

We know that Jesus does not deceive us…EVER!

So, why don’t we trust that He will do exactly what He says He will do in that one, simple, beautiful verse?

Because, for some reason, we just love doing everything ourselves while complaining about doing everything ourselves.

Right?

Don’t blame your husband. He is working hard too, and for all you know, he is feeling the same way.

Do you ever ask him for help, or do you just think about it and expect him to pick up on it?

If your answer was no to asking…Keep reading.

There is more in Matthew 11 that I haven’t put on here yet.

Bear with me, I’m almost done…

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. -Matthew 11: 29-30

Be a disciple of Jesus, and you will find the rest (freedom) you so desperately want/need. 

When you find those bitter thoughts are seeping in again, repeat Matthew 11:28-30 and remember what He said. Let Him give you rest, in your mind as much as your body.

We all know mental exhaustion can be worse than physical exhaustion.

Also, remember that you CAN ask your husband for help. It’s doubtful that he will look at you and say, “No, I don’t think I feel like helping. Do it yourself.”

No, he will help you, making him feel good because he is doing something for you, and making you happy because the overwhelming to-do list is getting a little shorter.

DON’T FORGET TO HAVE YOUR KIDS HELP, TOO!

This may not help you get to work on time, and your husband can’t do much in the morning to help if he leaves for work first thing in the morning like mine…

But, this will help your mental well-being.

These self-care products will help, too. 😉

The burden of bitterness is one that’s hard to carry, and it’s not fair to the rest of your family that can feel the bitterness pop them in the face every time they come within 5 feet of you.

So memorize Matthew 11:28-30 (or another verse that you feel would be better for you) and repeat that when the enemy is working hard to manipulate your thoughts.

 

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. -James 4:7

Ring on Bible

Feeling Unappreciated…

Bitter thoughts usually don’t lead anywhere good.

They lead to other thoughts, such as feeling unappreciated.

Bitter – marked by cynicism and rancor (deep-seated ill will)

Unappreciated– not given deserved recognition or thanks: not properly  appreciated 

Now, when you look at the definitions of both of these terms, they don’t sound like two things that should be a big part of a marriage.

Cynicism? Ill-will? 

And how much “deserved recognition” does your husband get from you?

Ouch…harsh much?

Yeah, that was pretty harsh- but I am talking to myself as much as anyone reading this that may walk around with a chip on their shoulder.

My poor husband has been the sounding board for me when I am whining to him about how I am feeling unappreciated…

But really, he does let me know he appreciates everything I do…more than I tell him I appreciate him.

I wonder if he is feeling unappreciated, too, and I don’t notice?

Your husband: He will be the man that…

 

So, if I am appreciated, then why do I walk around feeling bitter sometimes?

Do you have an answer?

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. -1 Peter 5:8

You read that possibly thinking, “No…the enemy can’t do anything to my marriage just by putting bitter or untrue thoughts in my head. I know what’s true.”

Ok…but the enemy doesn’t just walk around to devour the individuals that may murder someone…

No…he is after you and me, too…

He inserts a thought here…

And a thought there…

And watches it flourish as he continues to water it.

If you don’t have on the whole armour of God and submit to Him, then you have no weapon to use.

You are unarmed.

Note: If you actually do have a bad marriage with someone who is mean or cruel to you, you still have a weapon you can use. Yes, this post is for us women who have good husbands, but we let our own thoughts get to us…but don’t think for a second God can’t fix what may be broken in your marriage.

To be unarmed and without the full armour of God, you’re walking into dangerous territory.

You don’t have the protection you need. (for your thoughts)

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. -Ephesians 6:11

Yes, God is always right there with you because He never leaves.

But, He is also waiting for you to ask Him for whatever help you may need.

He can take away the bad thoughts, and replace them with good ones.

Good memories…

Good moods…

Good laughs…

Will you be perfect?

No way!

But you’ll be happy.

Want more appreciation and to GET AWAY from feeling unappreciated?

Okay, make sure to show your husband some appreciation as well.

Be realistic about your expectations of a verbal, “I appreciate you.”

If he said it to you every single day, it wouldn’t mean as much, (admit it).

Think about it…

I am sure that at least once every day, you think about how much you appreciate your husband.

But, do you feel the need to tell him every time you think about it?

No…

Remember when he does say it to you…Enjoy it…Think about it…Until the next time.

Also remember that he may SHOW his appreciation, not tell. 

Watch his actions, too.

For all you know, he may not realize the reason you make his plate is because you appreciate how hard he works…

But that’s why you do it, isn’t it?

Keep that in mind.

By submitting to God, and recognizing that MAYBE your expectations are unrealistic, or you’re just missing his appreciative actions, you will be much happier.

You will feel a weight fall off of you, and your family will notice, too.

There is a reason why, “Happy wife, happy life,” is a common saying.

Look, I will be working on this myself.

As I’ve said numerous times throughout this blog, I am usually talking to myself as much, if not more than, you.

I don’t know why I feel like I am busier than anyone else, my husband included.

And the man does anything I ask him to do.

Yet and still, I will walk around as if I’m the only one doing anything…

As if I am the only one feeling unappreciated…

But, I’m not. 

He works 50 hours a week, sometimes more, and does numerous hours of karate/jui jitsu every week, as well as helping around the house, and getting in a workout a few days a week.

I honestly don’t know how he does it, especially in the summertime when he has yard work on the weekends on top of everything else.

Have you sat down and actually thought about everything your husband does?

Watch out…his to-do list might be as big as yours…

And maybe it’s not…

Either way, we are to appreciate what our husbands do if we want the appreciation in return.

Gifts of appreciation for Christmas?

So now what?

Well, I have put on here what I think causes these thoughts of bitterness or feeling unappreciated…

These are only my opinions…

Opinion or not, I know that submitting to God, reading our Bible, praying with and for each other, and attending church together is what holds a marriage and family together.

These may help…

My thoughts may not be your thoughts…

My ways may not be your ways…

And maybe my experience is not exactly like yours…

But one thing I know to be true is…

GOD HOLDS A MARRIAGE TOGETHER.

Put God first

So, just try it…

When you feel bitter…

Go to God!

When you are feeling unappreciated…

Go to God!

When you are exhausted and cranky…

GO TO GOD!

Isn’t it great to have God right there when we need Him?

But, He is also there when everything is going great.

Don’t forget that. 🙂

He is God of the hills…

And of the valleys.

Thank Him today for everything in your life.

After all, God deserves all of our praise…

He deserves APPRECIATION.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. -1 Thessalonians 5:18 

With Love,

By Jesica: The Proverbs Mama

Busy, but BLESSED. Yep, that's me! My name is Jesica (yes, one 's') and I am a wife of a gorgeous, loving husband, a mom of three fantastic, beautiful girls (as well as a HUGE German Shepherd and an adorable chocolate lab). Oh, and I work full-time. So, as you can imagine, I stay pretty busy with a 40-hour work week, cooking, cleaning, gymnastics, ballet, doctor visits, vet visits, grocery shopping...and let's not forget trying to make sure my husband and I make memories other than us running around trying to get work and chores done...whew...So I am sure you're wondering why I started a blog on top of all of that...Well, I am starting a blog to help other moms, not only by giving tips for parenting, cooking, or cleaning, but to let you know that NONE of us are perfect and we ALL do things that we are sure NO OTHER mom does. Well, I am here to tell you that we ALL do that thing that you're sure NO OTHER mom does. So, grab a cup of coffee (or whatever your preference) and start feeling GOOD about your abilities as a mom, dad, wife, or husband. For we are fearfully and wonderfully made by our God, and His works are MARVELOUS.

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